Helping Your Child After a Tough Game
How to Support Your Athlete After a Difficult Game

After a difficult game, competition, or practice, the car ride home can often be filled with tension. Many well-meaning parents try to ease their athlete’s frustration with advice or reassurances, but sometimes these efforts backfire, creating even more stress. To help your athlete process their emotions in a productive way, consider the following strategies.

1. Create a Post-Game Routine

Establishing a post-game routine can help smooth out the emotions of a bad game. Set simple, clear guidelines such as:

• Allowing your athlete to sulk for the length of two songs on their playlist.
• No negative talk about teammates, coaches, or the game.
• No use of phones in the car immediately after a game to avoid impulsive actions like venting on social media.

You could also prepare post-game snacks and drinks, as hunger can amplify frustration. Small adjustments like these create a comforting environment and provide structure during emotionally charged moments.

2. Avoid Saying, “You’ll be fine.”

While it’s natural to want to reassure your athlete, saying things like, "It's okay" or "You'll be fine" can unintentionally dismiss their feelings. Instead, acknowledge their emotions. As Dr. Kevin Chapman, clinical psychologist, points out, these statements often feel invalidating, leading to further frustration. Instead, listen and let your athlete express their emotions.

3. Normalize Their Emotions

Help your athlete understand that it’s normal to feel upset after a poor performance. Let them work through their feelings, but remind them that venting should not turn into disrespect towards others. Encourage them to express their emotions without lashing out at teammates, coaches, or family members.

4. Don’t Force Conversation

Sometimes, your athlete just needs silence after a rough game. Don’t push them to talk if they’re not ready. Instead, let them know you’re available when they feel up to discussing it. Pushing them too soon could make them shut down even more.

5. Ask Open-Ended Questions

When your athlete is ready to talk, focus on asking constructive questions. For example, instead of asking what went wrong, try asking, “What did you learn from the game?” or “What are two things you did well and two areas you want to improve?” This encourages self-reflection and helps shift their mindset from criticism to growth.

6. Separate Performance from Identity

Remind your athlete that their performance in one game doesn’t define who they are. Help them understand that they can learn and grow from any game, regardless of the outcome. Questions like “What evidence suggests this one game reflects your abilities?” can help them gain perspective.

7. Avoid Criticizing Coaches, Teammates, or Officials

Parents often try to sympathize with their athlete by blaming a bad game on the coach, referee, or teammates. While this might seem supportive, it can foster a negative attitude and create division between your athlete and their team. Instead, encourage them to focus on their own growth and development.

8. Set Boundaries with Social Media

In today’s digital age, athletes have immediate access to social media. After a bad game, emotions run high, and impulsive posting can lead to regret. Create a family rule about no phone use right after games, or gently remind your athlete to pause before reacting. Encourage them to take time to think before posting or texting in frustration.

9. Don’t Tie Rewards to Winning

While celebrating a win with a special treat is a great idea, ensure that post-game rituals remain consistent regardless of the result. After all, effort and dedication deserve recognition, whether or not your athlete’s team comes out on top. Focus on rewarding hard work, not just victories.

Final Thoughts

Helping your athlete after a tough game isn’t about giving advice or minimizing their feelings; it’s about creating a supportive, structured environment that allows them to reflect and grow. By focusing on emotional validation, self-reflection, and healthy routines, you can help your athlete develop resilience and a positive mindset, no matter the outcome of the game.

Coach Luc Tremblay is the Founder and Head Coach of Volleyball Winnipeg. Luc has been coaching volleyball for 30+ years with athletes of all age classes and all abilities. He has developed most of the training techniques used by VISION coaches and is responsible for the coach development program at Volleyball Winnipeg. For more details on our Coach Resources, click here. 
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